The Worst Saints Squad In The World.... Ever!

It's time for the worst St. Mirren squad in the World... Ever! Except, like the usual albums, I've used artistic licence with the title.

For starters, it's not ever, it's of those Saints player still plying their trade in the game. This means the likes of Robert Dawson, sadly, will miss out. It'll be Champions League rules, which means a squad of 25 players. All the players will come from the Ex Saints page, which can be found at This is my opinion, if you disagree with it then post on the message board (that's why it's there).

First off, the goalkeepers. Most teams have three in their Champions League squad, and this one will be no exception. First choice has to be Derek Scrimgour. After a great game at Morton against Cappielow, he seemed to think he had made it. His last first team appearance saw him being subbed, he was that bad. Kris Robertson was fairly awful, despite being linked with moves to Celtic and the like thanks to his dad, who doubled as his agent. Robertson actually turned down a move to Celtic after leaving Saints! Full. The other keeper has to be Scott Strang, who played one game as a trialist and shipped four goals in the process.

So, we have the terrible keepers chosen, now some awful defenders. Klaus Dietrich clearly has to be in. He played as a trialist against Inverness Caley, having arrived a day before, and we were 3-0 down before he was subbed at half time. A few days later Tom Hendrie was sacked, so he has played his part in Saints history. Lining up beside him at the heart of defence is Ronnie McQuilter. A terrible defender with a square head, he was injured for most of the title season, thankfully. The squad's right back is Brian Smith who was simply awful, I can't remember him ever doing anything right. Left back is Gavin Galloway, who actually made his Saints debut as a striker before being put into defence. Maybe that's why he was awful. When playing for other teams he has also been used as a striker. The other defenders making the squad are Ricky Robb, who turned into a dud after a promising start to his Love Street career, and Paul Rudden. His inclusion may seem a bit harsh, but as no one was sure of his best position after five years at Love Street I think it's just.

So far we have nine players, leaving room for 16 midfielders and strikers. Not a problem, in fact the numbers could probably be made up without midfielders. Nevertheless, we'll have some in anyway. First up has to be Jim Gardner who came to Love Street in a deal which saw Paul Lambert going to Motherwell. Gardner was awful and fully deserves his place in Saints Hall of Shame. Beside him at the heart of midfield is Andy Dow, who was a complete ghost in midfield and kept moaning about how Motherwell had sacked him. Lee Sharp would be the first choice left winger, a player who only spent a few months at Love Street before being moved on because he was rubbish. David Milne also makes the squad. He had few first team opportunities, but when he played it was clear to understand why. Ryan Robinson can play on the right, if you go by Football Manager so he's the squad's right winger. He played hardly any games, never had a start, and managed to be subbed twice despite coming on as a sub! Former Saints trialists Dougie Ramsay and Lee Hardy find themselves in the squad, after performing terribly when I saw them against Morton. Completing the midfielders making the squad are Brian Launders and Paul McHale. Launders played as a trialist against Norwich, and was rubbish, whilst McHale was a complete ghost whilst on loan from Rangers, even though he scored against Caley Thistle.

So all that's left are the strikers. Seven are needed to make up the full squad, and it's far too easy getting to that number. Jens Paeslack has to start every time, the German striker impressed enough to get himself a contract after a loan spell, then turned out to be a dud and a thief (allegedly). Maikel Renfurm was almost as bad, although he was signed without the loan spell. Between them they scored three goals during our SPL season. Well done lads. Former Arsenal man Christopher Wreh is a big name making the squad, and he scored less than Paeslack and Renfurm. Wreh played hardly any games, scoring none in the process, despite being with us for a fair number of months. Another fine Tom Hendrie signing, joined by former Leicester, Blackburn and Aston Villa striker Graham Fenton, who could talk to Paeslack about watches (allegedly). How he managed to get so many starts and only score two goals I'll never know. I'll never know why Tom Hendrie persevered with him either, and on that subject we come to Jose Quitongo. He scored goals against us for everyone else, but could he score for us? Nope, though he managed more than the others combined. He didn't know when to pass and had no power, though he may have been out of position. He could double as a right winger, but his inclusion is deserved. The taller version of Quitongo is Moussa Dagnogo who actually scored on his debut as a trialist before doing nothing else in his one month career. All six strikers so far are Tom Hendrie signings, which maybe suggests how easy it was to con him. To round off the squad we'll have a John Coughlin signing. Kevin Twaddle. A total of 90 minutes split over four games before pins fell out of his back, I'll never know how this guy got a two year deal without even a medical.

As usual, a few players just miss out. Gordon Marshall was awful in his one and only Saints appearance, as was Billy Bald (though he had impressed in friendlies. Gerhard Fellner only played three games, but managed to score and didn't actually look bad, whilst I didn't see enough/any of James Okoli, David Jack, Abdul Senanu, Ivan Kristo or the like to say whether they should be in or not. Alex Bone just missed out on making the strikers role, whilst Paul McKnight's goals against Falkirk and Ayr correctly stop him making the twenty five.

Nut who to manage this hapless bunch of rejects? Step forward David Hay, who got Saints relegated from the Premier League and signed all his old Celtic mates. He can be assisted by John Coughlin, who moved up from assistant manager to manager after Tom Hendrie left, and managed hardly any wins.

So there it is. 25 duds and a terrible management team to control them on their path to mediocrity.

Don't agree? Then post on the message board. Remember, the players have to come from the Ex Saints page.